You're Wrong

We're altering the deal. Pray we don't alter it further. ——— Well, hello there! Long time no see. Yes, You're Wrong has been away for a while, but it was for a very good reason. Anyway, the nerds decided to return with a certified and guaranteed banger: they watched and rambled on about the masterpiece that is The Empire Strikes Back (if you don't know what that is, I have absolutely no fucking idea how you ended up here... but hey, welcome to the party!). Even with a movie like this, that they all know and love so much, those crabby bastards still found shit to complain about, because of course they did. It was a fun conversation, though, even if things took some weirdly sexual/problematic turns pretty much immediately — not that it surprises anyone at this point. In any case, enjoy! ... You're still here? This description is over. Go home! Go! ... Oh, you want to know the reason why the podcast took a break? Welp, guess you're gonna have to listen to the episode. Maybe it comes up in during the conversation...

Why filmmakers feel the need to give such obtuse, presumptuous names to their silly action movies, I'll never understand. ——— This week's episode is a cautionary tale about the dangers of expectations. Chris, Luciano, Matt and Spencer decided to watch and discuss Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre, the 2022 Jason Statham vehicle — and for the first time in a long while, their individual reactions to the movie were quite the mixed bag. Not since their deep dive into the DCEU movies have they had such differing opinions. Why, you ask? Well, in this lowly description writer's opinion, it was because they all had very different mindsets going into it. Did you notice how I called it "the Jason Statham vehicle", rather than "a Guy Ritchie film"? Welp, let's just say that each of our hosts had very different levels of awareness of that being the case... I'll let you guess where each of them sat in that awareness spectrum. Don't worry, it will be overwhelmingly clear right from the get-go. 😉

Almost as big a mistake as watching it was. ——— Noted gluttons for punishment Chris, Luciano, Matt and Spencer decided it would be a good idea to do an episode about another anime adaptation, this time 2017's Ghost in the Shell, an adaptation of the 1995 anime movie — and if you've watched this dumpster fire, you know it was definitely the anime, not the manga, that they tried to adapt. I say "tried to adapt" because that's all they did: try. They did fail a lot, though, holy shit. Talk about missing every point. The people responsible for this monstrosity probably think Fight Club is a "how-to" video about how to start fight clubs or that The Wolf of Wall Street is a movie about a literal wolf working as a stockbrocker in Lower Manhattan.

It's a toss up between you and Miles Bron. My money is on you, though. ——— Tired of watching only garbage movies, Luciano, Matt and Spencer decided to find something a bit more well-liked to watch, discuss and dissect this week (Chris is also tired of watching garbage movies, but he couldn't make this recording, unfortunately). To that end, they chose Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery, the kind-of-but-not-really sequel to Knives Out. Now, here's my personal conundrum: usually, this is where I would make some quip about how shitty the movie is without giving too much of the episode away... but I can't do that with this movie, since it's actually pretty decent. Those 4 are right bastards, quite frankly. They don't care at all about how their shitty decisions affect me. Well, you old fuckers... I have nothing to write here. And it's all your fault. I hope you're happy.

Seriously. I don't know exactly how, but I'm sure even the catering service on the set was wrong somehow. ——— Ah yes, live-action adaptions of anime series — no hellscape more torturous has ever been spawned by evil human minds. And Netflix's Fullmetal Alchemist is absolutely not an exception. Actually, it's a pretty impressive endeavour... in that it managed to replicate the anime in every possible wrong way while also leaving out most of the things that would have actually been good to port over to a different medium. It's a really, really thorough failure, is what I'm saying.

You're the boys' long-lost sibling, Wrong Lee. ——— Once again abandoned by their so-called "friends", Chris and Luciano had to suffer through the cringefest that is Double Dragon on their own. This movie is one of the most 90's thing to ever come out of the 90's. No, seriously. By the time I was done watching this movie, somehow I was wearing a bomber jacket and had a plaid flannel shirt tied around my waist. Which is even weirder than it sounds, because I'm pretty sure I had nothing but my birthday suit on when I started watching it. ... what, I like to be comfortable while (re-)watching shitty movies, OK? Don't take this away from me.

The only right thing they did was cast Sean Connery. Whether accepting the role was the right thing for him to do, though, is very much debatable. ——— Once again Matt-less, Spencer takes over hosting (and nerd-wrangling) duties as he, Chris and Luciano discuss the early 2000's masterpiece that is The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. What's that? Oh, sorry... it seems I've misspelled shitshow up there. There's very little to salvage in this movie, not gonna lie. But hey, at least they had the decency to leave out some of the really awful, gruesome shit that was part of the graphic novel. No, I'm not going to provide examples; even this podcast has standards. If you absolutely must know, Google "What did Hyde do to The Invisible Man?" for yourself. But be forewarned: immediately after you do, you will really wish you hadn't.

After watching this god-forsaken movie, my brain was as nuked as Indy should have been inside that stupid fridge. ——— Another beloved franchise ruined by a shitty sequel. This time, a franchise near and dear to every nerd's heart: Indiana Jones. Chris, Luciano, Matt and Spencer tackled the atomic dumpster fire that is Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, a name as obnoxious as the movie is bad. I won't even try to comment on it here; it would be too long a description, honestly. Just listen to the episode. Hopefully, hearing the movie torn to shreds will provide some measure of catharsis for all of us.

The 2021 movie, I mean. But I'm sure you're very wrong about other entries of the franchise as well. ——— This week, the nerds went back to video-game movies and decided to watch and discuss Mortal Kombat. This one disappointed them less than most of the previous movies they've picked recently, but that's a really, really low bar. Be that as it may, however, they did have quite a few grievances with it. No surprise there, I know. Now, while a few of those grievances are pretty straightforward and sensical, some others are quite... out there. Like disturbingly, concerningly out there. You've been warned. 👀

Qualifying how wrong it is or what it might be wrong about would imply there's something right about it. There isn't. ——— Chris, Luciano, Matt and Spencer chose Jurassic World: Dominion for this week's episode. Why, I couldn't tell you. Quite honestly, I don't they even know. What I can tell you is that they violently regret it. How can an action movie with dinosaurs and giant flaming locusts in it be this boring? It has to be some sort of fucked up achievement to be able to accomplish that, right? Oh, and they had the gall to release an extended version of this clusterfuck — which was the version Luciano watched, the poor, miserable bastard. And while it seems like you can actually polish a turd, given his overall less vitriolic review of the movie, it nevertheless doesn't change the fact that a turd is all that it is. 💩

And in other news, water is wet and the sky is blue. ——— Back to their full roster, the nerds thought it would be good to get back to the 2020's and chose to watch, dissect and brutalise Black Adam, the latest (at the time of this posting) installment in the DC Expanded Universe. Now, the pedants among you might be wondering why an episode about a DCEU movie isn't in the DCEU Movies season/series. The reason is quite simple: it's because fuck you, that's why. 😘 Back to this glass of warm water of a movie: if I had to describe it with a single word, it'd be disappointment. The source material is incredibly interesting; Dwayne Johnson certainly looks the part (even though he certainly lives up to his nickname with regards to both his on-screen charisma and his acting ability beyond just playing himself); and most of the casting choices were very solid (Henry Winkler did catch me by surprise, though, not gonna lie). So what the fuck happened? What's that now? Warner Bros. is what happened? Yeah, that tracks. 😒

We mean the movie. You know, the one that came out in 2000 and aged like a bowl of spoiled yogurt left out in the sun. ——— Another week, another early 00's movie being dissected by our favourite grumps. This week, they were feeling particularly masochistic, so they decided to rewatch and talk about Dungeons & Dragons, the (understandably) much-reviled "adaptation" of the tabletop RPG. Unfortunately, Matt couldn't be present for the recording, but I have it on good authority that he did (re-)watch the movie nonetheless. Talk about cruel and unusual torture, eh? Though left to their own devices, Chris, Luciano and substitute host Spencer still managed to keep this episode a mostly coherent endeavour... by which I mean they roasted the ever-living shit out of this fucking disaster of a movie. As it well deserves.

Because you obviously thought it was a shitty movie 20 years ago, and that opinion hasn't changed... right? Yeah, I'm sure that's right. Even you wouldn't be that wrong. ——— With Spencer finally back from wherever he had gone to (apparently, there's this thing called "work" he was busy with?), the nerds tackle yet another video-game movie. This time, they decided to go back a couple of decades and tackle one of the OG video-game adaptations, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. OK, I'm not going to sugar coat it: this is one gigantic turd of a movie. Horrendous accents, horrendous acting (even from actors we know are good), horrendously nonsensical plotlines... just a smelly, messy, horrendous turd. Which, of course, just means our intrepid hosts had the time of their lives blowing it to smithereens and putting it back together again. 😉

You're Wrong tackles a Marvel Cinematic Universe movie for the first time ever (surprising, I know)! Still Spencer-less, Chris, Luciano and Matt decided to tackle Thor: Love and Thunder, and when these nerds decide to talk about a movie a while after they've seen it, you know something about it ain't right. In this case, it's several somethings... starting with going in with (understandably) high expectations for a Thor movie helmed by the man responsible for Thor: Ragnarok and ending in whatever the fuck that scene with the Guardians of the Galaxy was. I really hope Disney learned from this that coming up to Taika Waititi with scraps of ideas and storyboards jotted down on the back of bar napkins and saying "just go crazy for the rest! You do you, bud!" isn't a really the recipe for a good movie, at least.

Video-game movies are usually hilariously bad, which also means they're a treasure trove of complaint fodder for curmudgeony nerds. Knowing this, and given that this month's loose theme is "shit that happened in 2022", Chris, Luciano and Matt (abandoned as they were by Spencer... again) decided it would be fun to watch (and bash on) Uncharted. Only they weren't ready for just how much they would have to complain about this one. That's not to say that they don't usually complain a lot — I'm not insane — but with this one, even with how much they did complain, it still feels like they didn't complain enough. And that's... that's saying something.

Continuing the tradition they started last year, the nerds review their predictions for 2022 (spoiler alert: none of them could make a living as oracles... but at least that means that Spencer didn't have to become homeless to pay lost bets) and make new predictions for 2023 — most of which were about as weird and unlikely as the previous ones. They also decided to ditch the janky point system they used last time because... well, because it was janky as fuck. They still judged each other's prediction in terms of likelihood, of course, but it was a much more profanity-laden endeavour this time. A win-win, in my book.

This is the second and final part to You're Wrong's latest game of Fiasco! If you haven't listened to the first part (season 1, episode 86) yet, go do that first. This thing is unhinged enough as it is, and I can't even imagine the amount of psychic damage it would do to someone listening to it without any context. Beckee (Chris), Jenna (Matt), Steve a.k.a. Jace (Luciano), Brodie (Spencer) and Theo (Andrew) all have a party to attend, even if the hostess of the party doesn't know about it yet. Moreover, every single one of them has their own nefarious/deranged plans to see through — and they intend to do so during said party. There's absolutely no way this is going to end in a massive disaster, I'm sure. 😶

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals! This week, the nerds decided to take advantage of being in the same place for a change and go watch Violent Night together — and then rant about it, obviously. Not that there was much to actually rant about, but you know how cranky them old bastards are...

It's time for another game of Fiasco, dear listeners! This time, the nerds invited their buddy Andrew to join in, and the scenario revolves around a shady high school attended by teens with very questionable morals, integrity and (quite frankly) sanity. Join Beckee (Chris), Jenna (Matt), Steve a.k.a. Jace (Luciano), Brodie (Spencer) and Theo (Andrew) as they try to navigate absurdly disfunctional relationships, see incredibly ill-conceived plans to fruition and survive their (un)surprisingly lethal consequences.

Welcome to You're Wrong's first tag-team battle royale! And what better subject to tackle on this first one than two of the most widely-recognised winter holidays in the world, amirite? 👀 For obvious reasons, the format for this one was slightly different from the usual battle royales: Matt acted solely as the Questioner (or, as he titled himself, the "Magistrate"), instead of being a participant as well; resident Jewish boys Luciano and Spencer were the obvious (and likely only safe) choice for taking the side of Hanukkah, while Chris was joined by their buddy Matt (hooray, confusion!) defending Christmas. I know I say this a lot, but this one was really unhinged. Absolutely bonkers, really. Which reminds me: whatever you do, do not Google "Sinterklaas". Just don't.